Stranger Than Fiction

In the past few weeks since I blogged last, I’ll be honest with you, I've lacked inspiration. I've always felt that I must feel the need to write to do it properly – you know, have something to get out of my system. Otherwise it's a creative dead end and I feel like I’m spouting meaningless nonsense.

Then this morning, I realised that I’ve had something to talk about all along. Mothers.

Not just any mothers or indeed all mothers – I have so much respect for working mums and all that women do to bring up their children against the odds. I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes and I have immense respect for these people when against adversity they have done a superb job. However, as a female of the species myself I balk at other women who seem to hold these actions in such disregard, as well as those who are seemingly lacking in decorum or self awareness – more of that later.

No, in my case I mean mothers that I encounter every morning on the bus to work. These are a special breed of creature that reside in large, whitewashed, three storey houses in a desirable postcode, dress eccentrically shall we say, never have less than two children tagging along and ALWAYS have something to say.

But let’s focus on the kids first, I mean, everyone these days has a rant about kids, whether they are thoughtless, spoilt, ignorant (and let’s face it they mostly are) or just gormless. I don’t mean to sound old and cranky but it is so rare these days that you encounter a well mannered, smartly dressed young person under the age of 18, and if you do you need to scrape your chin up off the pavement as a result of your open mouthed amazement.

“Where do they get it from?” people cry as they are shoved out of the way in a queue, or spat at on the street. Some people say “oh it’s today’s television” or “it’s those bloody videogames”. Perhaps. Lots of people also say “I blame the parents”, and I am inclined to agree with them as a result of my personal experience. Here’s why.

Unfortunately for me my daily routine has led to a situation where I feel I’ve become an unwitting participant in a social experiment. It all started about 9 months ago when I started my current job. The bus route to my office is a fairly main one taking in various highlights from Islington schools and a shopping centre, to the City and a major train station, so as you can imagine, the passengers span a fairly wide spectrum from the top of the corporate ladder to the end of the dole queue. It’s also very busy in the morning, being filled with travellers that include city traders, shoppers, general office workers, retail workers, people off on holiday trailing suitcases and kids and parents on their way to school. Most of my journeys have passed without incident – although there was one time where we had a trainee bus driver who got the wrong route entirely and reversed the bus into a wall in an attempt to get out of a one way street, but that’s another story – although there is a select group that tend to make or break a journey for me. These are not hoodies, or drunks or smelly tramps, but what I like to call the I AM SAMS – The “I am a Stay At Home Mum” s.

Forget the Suffragettes, forget career women, forget Maggie T, these guys wave their hand and like a magic wand these events NEVER happened. Seriously, if you – like me – had to listen to these people almost every day, and believe me you have no choice BUT to listen, you would have to blink a few times to make sure you were still in 2009.

The thing is, the bus is always busy as a result of the various people mentioned above, so there we all are, so packed in like sardines we could have taken the Northern Line for a more spacious journey to work, that it’s not like anyone can’t hear you when you talk REALLY LOUD ABOUT YOUR KIDS AND HOW IRRITATING IT IS THAT THEY KEEP GETTING NITS SO YOU JUST WASH THEIR HAIR WITH NIT STUFF ALL THE TIME NOW.

Thanks for that. Now when what I really want to do is stand at the other end of the bus from you and your offspring, instead I have to handle the possibility that they are shaking lice eggs on to me as they jump around like maniacs because they JUST WOULDN’T DO BREAKFAST THIS MORNING SO YOU GAVE THEM JELLY BEANS INSTEAD. Great.

I mean who shouts out that sort of thing within earshot of total strangers?? How will your children ever learn how to behave in public if that’s the example that you set them?


Another two families that I am forced to stand at the bus stop with are just as bad. Two ladies, both with two children, stand motionless and watch whilst each child runs crazy rings around and around the bus stop or screams that there is nowhere for them to sit on the bench in the bus stop until someone takes pity on them and gives up their seat, or shout as loud as they can at 8am even telling their mother “DON’T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU STUPID WOMAN!” if they are told that people are still sleeping. These kids are 7 years old, max.

There is no thank you or even acknowledgement from the mother for whoever gives up their seat, and no reprimand for the spoilt child. Once on the bus itself it only gets worse. I despair of children who push their way onto the bus past the elderly to sit on a seat. These kids are as young as 6 years old and yet they sit down with a satisfied grin. Cute you might say, but if they take the last seat there is no reproach from the mothers who could easily chide them and say “Come on, don’t be silly, you’re only 6 let this elderly lady sit down.” Nothing. The mothers are totally ignorant of such a situation and I stand horrified, offering my seat instead. It sickens me to see this happen EVERY day. It grinds me down and I dread arriving at the bus stop to see these people there. It chips away at my hope for society and people in general. Where is the compassion? Where is the kind-heartedness? Where is the respect? What’s worse is that the bus ride they take is less than 5 minutes so they could walk it! It gives me a heavy heart to see such things.

So you see why I’m frustrated, but back to my original point about the Suffragettes etc. Take this interlude for example. A few weeks ago, Nit Lady was there again, knocking people over with her giant designer pram that she insists on lifting through the front doors and then pushing through the packed bus to get to the back instead of using the back doors as is recommended for prams etc., don’t ask me why. Anyway, this time she brought a friend who was of a similar disposition. They were chatting in their LOUD manner as ever and as a result I couldn’t help but hear their conversation. Their discussion was about a nanny working for her as well as another wealthy woman who lived nearby and they were laughing about this other lady because – drum roll please – she had a job! Shock horror everyone! Someone who has children and works. Run for the hills!

This lady supposedly had a fairly high powered job and bought her children nice new clothes – I wasn’t aware this was a crime, were you? Every morning before work she would pick out an outfit for them in an attempt to be part of their routine before she went off to the office and left the nanny to deal with the rest of their day. The punch line is that once gone, the nanny would put said outfits away and dress the kids in any old thing – probably what they wore yesterday as SHE DIDN’T SEE THE POINT IN WASTING THE CLOTHES and presumably the kids would be bathed and ready for bed once mummy came home so she would be none the wiser.

The last word came from Nit Lady who said WHAT A WASTE OF TIME, I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE WORKS THE STUPID WOMAN HA HA HA HA HA AND IT’S JUST SOOOOO FUNNY THAT THE NANNY DOES THAT BEHIND HER BACK! I MEAN I DON’T BOTHER WITH NEW CLOTHES, I DRESS ALL MY CHILDREN IN SECOND HAND THINGS, NO ONE KNOWS THE DIFFERENCE AND IT SAVES ME MONEY HA HA HA HA.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think it’s funny at all.

If parents are to give anything to their children at all surely it starts with the ability to respect other people. Ok, I’m not a mother myself, but I know right from wrong and I know it’s my mother that instilled that in me. I also know that I do want to have children someday, and I want to encourage those children to respect others – I mean, who wouldn’t???

That’s what I can’t understand, but I got a little bit of hope back this morning. I felt like Pandora when a little girl sat next to me on the bus today, she must have been 5 years old at the most. When she sat next to me she fell onto the seat, looked up at me and said “Sorry”. Then when her mum sat down opposite her she said “Mummeeee?” And her mum replied “Yes” and she said “I love you”. Now THAT’s cute. Polite and lovely in one minute! I was amazed and it really made me smile. Then I smiled even more as another mother was telling her son to stop messing with her hair and the little girl started to repeat her saying “stop messing with my hair” It really made me chuckle. Her mother was mortified of course and told her to stop copying, but that’s the point – she WAS mortified. And the little girl stopped it straight away.

Maybe there is some hope left after all.